so long

it’s been so long
since I’ve heard
anything new
of your days
or your dreams
or the nights
in between
so though it hurts
I must conclude
I don’t know you
anymore

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crossing past

This river runs as always
Low and dirty as my mind
What won’t flow with it
Gathers behind
Trapping debris
Into piles of a past
Determined to outlast
Its purpose

Once words flowed like tears
Carving rivers of expectations
To carry us beyond intent
Scraping against that rocky bottom
Without feeling the sting

My thoughts wade back
Through the sludge
Looking for shards that shine
Enough worth keeping
Or cut enough
To make me move on

Now beneath there is silence
Only creaks are in my bones
There is nothing to distract me
From knowing I’m alone

about the shape of it

Life goes on
just like before
only my heart won’t
When it dared expand
beyond its bounds
and nothing came of it,
it squeezed tight
and all it contained
poured out
and drained
into the ground
and now it sags
empty
and I must drag it
through the day
and tuck it under
the sheets at night
so it wont wake
cold and startled.
I entice it
with easy goals
and small wishes
to coax it
into some vague form
but it’s too old
to try inflating
too distended
to be filled
with sparse morsels
and pale shadows
of what it held.
It billows and drapes
over nothingness
smothering
everything

witness

I saw you in that car
parked in the dark
your face a half lit moon
gazing at the screen
your finger hovering
ready to delete and move on

Your face reflected a world
of pain and joy
suspended in a void
an alternate universe
being destroyed

I envied your strength
to pinch it to black
as I wished I had done
a whole lifetime back
when I could still hope
time would erase and replace
the empty space 
with new wonders
instead of a glowing
screen gone blank

this stage

I stare at this stage
as if I can summon you
with the blink of the cursor
entice you
with the blankness of the page
to let you dance

without lines
or rules
yet you recede
just at the thought

sweet n sour

Last night I dreamt
you asked me to hold you
and I ardently tried my best
You lay so still as if fulfilled
had I but been someone else 

appointment

within the confines
of appointed roles
we found space
for a momentary universe
where all that mattered was being
in each other’s presence
and the certainty
that our smiles and laughter
were sincere

I’m trying hard
not to make much of it
but enough to bask in it
(suppressing insidious simmering explanations and expectations)
because while not exceptional
it is rare
and today I will choose to be elated
rather than saddened by this
I now know this is as good as it gets

fallen

fleeting thoughts scattered
swirl round to gather
at my feet with the leaves
dispelled like remnants
of withered dreams
the frozen trunk won’t feed
fall’s fading light
is far too bright
for the void it breeds

de(con)struction

if my love were a painting
it would be a splash of red so pure
I’d waste endless canvas
tiling walls in ruddy grey
if only to recapture
some muddy tint or shade

if my love were a song
there’d be a painful strain
just a part of the refrain
and l would squawk
and screech all  night
just to hit that note again

but my love was a touch
in the dark
that brought to light
what ought to stay buried
or shoved out of sight

my love was insistent
it bore like worm
prying you open
with flattering words
pricking and prodding
your conscience to wake
and take a stand

my love was high strung
with intricate lines
to slice you up
and cut you down
how else could I get over you

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