mudslide

The ground beneath me slips again
Still I deny the threat of rain
Like I’d never sunk in the mud before
I willingly stand to do it once more

If only you wouldn’t make so clear
Vicarious attempts to stand so near
That I can touch your perfect skin
And see the blood flowing within

And if you wouldn’t flush when you smile
Purposefully turning to catch my eye
If you could just let me pass on
Without a gesture to hook upon

Or if you must, make it always so
Instead of all this stop and go
Changing signals like the weather
Is too trying for this frayed tether

And if my heart wouldn’t plummet
Into the depths of my stomach
With each expectant turn of thought
And every effort turned to nought

How many times can I stand gutted
Pretending all is as I wanted
Making light of all that’s wrong
Just so that you won’t catch on.

And if with each and every verse
Things wouldn’t seem that much worse
Like a Gordian knot around my nape
or karmic curse with no escape

The only fear that makes me stay
Is knowing there will come a day
When nothing is all I will feel
And all of this will be revealed
To be but moments of distraction
Born of shear dissatisfaction
With a life sustained by fear
Of losing all that I hold dear

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