so much less

They say that the total

is worth more than its parts
you proved them to be wrong
your lips were worth more
than the kiss they formed
your tongue worth more than its words
your shoulders’ curves more
than the pride they held high
your smile more
than the thoughts it belied
the lines of your torso
and shape of your spine
longer than the lengths
to which they would go
to prove that the heart
that beat so loud and strong
wasn’t just for show

background noise

I stare at your photo
but cannot discern
its want or intention
So all I trust
is that empty space
at which I stare
beyond disbelieving
at all that’s not there
to make out what is

If you must know
I’m a little bit slow
and reluctant to admit
I purposefully sit
with this view bestowed
to see what it hides
in the glow of the space
you’ll never fill

People pass
places remain
and empty spaces
won’t explain
why it is you went away
they only howl
that you’re not there
and never were

sweet n sour

Last night I dreamt
you asked me to hold you
and I ardently tried my best
You lay so still as if fulfilled
had I but been someone else

all you were

So few details
starkly told
with a prose so bold
I thought you were trying to be opaque

denying some truth
you feared more than the ache
to be with me
I rubbed my eyes
hard and dry
to see past imagined
silent lies
But my vision was fine
there was nothing to hide

That was all you were

invisible

I can threaten you and hurt you
break apart all your frames
make you ask for forgiveness
as you run and hide in shame
But I cannot make you care

I can stand up to abuse
fight off adversity
turn labels into crowns
And dance at their absurdity

But am beaten by absence
starved through neglect
and faced against indifference
I’m as good as dead

spring forward

The sun still low and cold
only mocks the change
spring claims to hold
and soon bring within reach
I cycle back round
to familiar ground
trampled to mud
beneath my feet
that snow promised
to wipe clean

The winds may battle
make dead leaves rattle
but they won’t sway a thing
in my direction
The pull from the roots
won’t give in to indiscretions
or attempts to resurrect
what never breathed on its own

notes from the sidelines

I’ve never been discovered
though I’ve been revealed
Never acknowledged
though nudged towards some seat
at the edge of the table
with no turn to speak

I’ve never been spotted
among the stars
or turned all heads
when I entered a bar
But I’ve been invited
to kindly take part
to fill dusty spaces
in vacated hearts
while they waited
for better options

So I never wager
but do what I can
And play in the sidelines
where few dare to glance
And if you should ever
catch my wandering eye
don’t ask me to smile
or give thanks for your time
Just take what you need
without blocking the sun

slight distinction

Had you died
there’d still be
all you left behind
But you left
taking with you all traces
leaving only spaces
now empty of you
And everything built
is somewhere else
lost to me
as you are
While I
to you
am as good
as dead

for the best

If everything that happens
does so for the best,
then surely you were meant
to prepare me for death
And all that does not come after

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