degrees of magnitude

You say when you think of me
it’s with nostalgia
a surreptitious smile
spreads across your flushing face

When I think of you
frustration, despair, shame and desire
fuse into a howl of longing
I grimace and cringe

with teeth clenched
waiting for each wave of pain
to finish pounding me
into the dirt by degrees

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this stage

I stare at this stage
as if I can summon you
with the blink of the cursor
entice you
with the blankness of the page
to let you dance

without lines
or rules
yet you recede
just at the thought

de(con)struction

if my love were a painting
it would be a splash of red so pure
I’d waste endless canvas
tiling walls in ruddy grey
if only to recapture
some muddy tint or shade

if my love were a song
there’d be a painful strain
just a part of the refrain
and l would squawk
and screech all  night
just to hit that note again

but my love was a touch
in the dark
that brought to light
what ought to stay buried
or shoved out of sight

my love was insistent
it bore like worm
prying you open
with flattering words
pricking and prodding
your conscience to wake
and take a stand

my love was high strung
with intricate lines
to slice you up
and cut you down
how else could I get over you

the naming

As though a name
could be kerosene
and speaking it
the match
Mute with fear
and awe,
we longed
Enthralled
For so long
Our hearts and guts
cramped

Was it exhaustion or frustration
that made the first move
to drag it into the light
and tease it apart
to release the tension

Now the only thing certain
is the name on our lips
that freezes our smiles
between delight and dismay
unknowing whether
we wished to find
a means to ignite
or to tame it

blame

I wish I could blame it
on media and capitalism
and patriarchy and classism
or some other ideal of no worth
but all the abuse
and deception I’ve brooked
was born from this need
to be loved

daily prompt: ascend

just once

you said what we say
when something’s too good
or simply too hard to resist-
life is too short
not to bend this one time
and enjoy what it has to give

I wanted to say
but bit my tongue
what I also knew to be true
that life after this
would be too long and wasted
spent wanting far more of you

interpreting silence

it is because I know
what you have done
and what more
you are capable of
that I now know
there is no excuse
possible or plausible
other than that
nothing is what
you want most
from me

you and words

life goes on just like before
contracts signed and others torn
though I rarely read a single line
like I did between yours
just to find I would be
the only one bound
to no gains
and expected to refrain
from expectations

I have no reasons only rhymes

to excuse the time I wasted
offering views to the blind
I preferred the words
and how they swirled
in my eyes and mouth
so much more than you

but without you they scatter
I’m adrift amidst a mist
of letters that refuse
to gather into clouds
and rain a relief
I can turn into words
to drown my fear
that you have all
I wish I did not need

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