waiting

I want nothing more
than the possible
opportunity
for chance
and coincidence
to converge
into the unexpected
All that
you took
when you went away

it’s not okay, I’m not alright

It’s not okay I’m not alright
I cringe and churn
throughout the night
I dread seeing
what I can’t touch
And the floods
of senses that come
rushing more intense
than the best of days

Startled and feverish
I push blankets away
And sit up ready
to hold images at bay
that show me all
I want will stay
out of reach

It’s not okay and I’m not alright
But I’ll make it through this night
I’ll wring and let my sorrow dry
and fold those wishes in a pile
Knowing that beyond these lines
lies only time
that waiting will not fill
But still I’ll try
with all my might
To fix my sight
on what is true
Though all my thoughts
run back to you

wish list

jotNrot

If I could spend the day
doing as I wished
I’d spend it writing
A sonnet for your neck
An ode to your ass
A limerick for your grin
A melody to fill the air with your scent
A rhythm to match your groans
And an epitaph for my heart

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truths I’ve known

I’ve known truths delivered
as a blow to the gut
as bells in the distance
or a deafening knoll
or a tightening noose
of blood-stopping cold

Sticky tangles of threads
a burning bright flash
a flood of dread
or a gust of ash

Truths that chained
my will to don’ts
And choked my wishes
With swarms of won’ts

They’ve all left me gasping
coughing up dirt
lost in a desert
with nowhere to turn

I’m waiting for a truth
known only in dreams
to envelop me
like arms
relieved
that I have finally
found my way
home

fishing

So many lines
I’ve baited
and patiently waited
as you snatch
what you need and flee
Never coming close enough
so I can see
if I at least
leave a mark on you.
I’m beginning to conclude
you have no substance
for my hooks to catch
So I’m waiting again
for you to swim back
into my latest trap
A net so fine
it will entwine
all the answers
I cannot find
Dense and hard
enough
to pull
me under
and drown
the hunger
that keeps me
tied to you

lament

jotNrot

I keep throwing things in the air
hoping they’ll take flight
but they plummet
to the ground
And round and round I go again
scraping up against the grain
And I am, as I remain, alone
Watching people come and go
as if my presence can overthrow
a history of gravity
mired in depravity

The music strains
its way to ears
filled with chatter
Your smile, your smile
is all that matters
though it now belies
nothing more
than goodbye
when it shines
my way

But it’s getting cold
and I’m too old
to be bold enough to explode
onto the scene

The musicians take the stage
and their guitars wage
war on my raging
indifference
to the drums’ clatter
Your smile, your smile
is all that matters
though it now belies
nothing more
than goodbye
when it shines
my way

What wouldn’t I forgive
for a chance to relive

View original post 34 more words

lament

I keep throwing things in the air
hoping they’ll take flight
but they plummet
to the ground
And round and round I go again
scraping up against the grain
And I am, as I remain, alone
Watching people come and go
as if my presence can overthrow
a history of gravity
mired in depravity

The music strains
its way to ears
filled with chatter
Your smile, your smile
is all that matters
though it now belies
nothing more
than goodbye
when it shines
my way

But it’s getting cold
and I’m too old
to be bold enough to explode
onto the scene

The musicians take the stage
and their guitars wage
war on my raging
indifference
to the drums’ clatter
Your smile, your smile
is all that matters
though it now belies
nothing more
than goodbye
when it shines
my way

What wouldn’t I forgive
for a chance to relive
that moment I clenched you
like a holy grail
to quench my thirst
and purge my worth
of need

But the plot flails
under dreams now too frail
to withstand failing
at love again

before

jotNrot

What did I dream
before I saw you?
What lines did my hands long to trace
before they learned the contours from your ear to your wrist
by heart?
What flavours did my mouth crave when it watered
before it tasted you?
It must have all been equally out of reach, because
I don’t remember wanting any less,
nor being any happier.

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revelations

And even when all the meaning
and confessions are shaken out
spread apart and inspected
the real sorted
from the imagined
as is the precious
from the mundane

There is still nothing
that can be done or undone

What does knowing
the planet imagined
exists in a galaxy nearby
change for the astronaut
bound to this one life

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