that last declaration

You’re a hiccup
a glitch
a prickly itch
I make a last ditch effort
to scratch
But that was the last
phrase, lost in praise of
the last phase
the last breath
held and exhaled
my last affirmation
my last exhaultation
in mock exasperation
A concise expression
of my frustration
at all that could never be
So I’m forced to resort
to self-preservation
and grudgingly decree
Yes, I was only joking

it’s not okay, I’m not alright

It’s not okay I’m not alright
I cringe and churn
throughout the night
I dread seeing
what I can’t touch
And the floods
of senses that come
rushing more intense
than the best of days

Startled and feverish
I push blankets away
And sit up ready
to hold images at bay
that show me all
I want will stay
out of reach

It’s not okay and I’m not alright
But I’ll make it through this night
I’ll wring and let my sorrow dry
and fold those wishes in a pile
Knowing that beyond these lines
lies only time
that waiting will not fill
But still I’ll try
with all my might
To fix my sight
on what is true
Though all my thoughts
run back to you

the supple one

I guess I’ll always be
the supple one that gives
that rages and rants
then bends and forgives

The one that states principles
up to which I can’t live
and sets goals I let slip
to make room for things
that need, that plead
that cry louder than me

That one that lets others
walk on free
though knowing they’ll never
come back to me

The one that tries
that gives all but her best
lest it fail to impress
or be seen

it’s alright and I’m okay

It’s alright and I’m okay
I’m working through another day
Papers shuffle
Coffee flows
To look at me
No one would know
How heavy an empty heart is to tow
I double check clocks
And dates coloured in blocks
Still time and space
Confound me

I sit staring far
and unseeing
imaging the sky
a blanket we roll under
unseparated
by the serated peaks
that rip up the horizon

It’s alright and I’m okay
I’ve made it through another day
Wishing I could left swipe away
This this turbid tide
Of sludge and shame
Though truth be told
I just watched it roll in
Never bold enough
To grab hold
And throw away
What will not keep
And put regrets down to sleep
Fearing when I meet my dreams
All will be plain as it seems
Devoid of any change

#ordinary

meantime

Five little words
could hardly impress
with any duress
but I must confess
like a chess master
preparing for disaster
I’m already five exchanges ahead
and all the digressions
you’ll make instead
of coming clean

And though my head is full
it’s my body that aches
to make up for mistakes
and time lost
in planning petty crimes
and their atonement
the moment we are done

So take your time
and borrow mine
I’ll burrow down
and tow some lines
that I’ll retrace and erase
in case my resolve dissolves
and I fill in the spaces wrong
all over again

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/clean/

tripped

I’d like to say I fell for you
but really I just tripped
To say you tore apart my heart
but it was only grazed a bit
Rain is just wet
and winter just cold
and neither can hurt me
like this feeling
I can’t
hold onto  

I’d like to say you gave me more
than the means to make much of less
but I’d only be putting
dumb words to the test
making rhymes of nothing at best
The world just turns
and sunshine burns
but neither will hurt
if I lie
still
in the dark

I’d like to say we part as friends
but the truth is something else
Friends aren’t ashamed
by time wasted pretending
And you’re now as far
as that sole star
that blinks as the fog rolls in
vanishing before
I can make a wish

and still is…

What to make of an open end
Leave it to gather
mould and dust in the dark
or allow it to dissipate
and expand in an arc
of pale should haves
and half measures
dished in anorexic portions
morselled to feed distortions
grown to daunting proportions
taunting better judgement
with their glow

What to do with loose threads
hanging from words
Tie their tongues
with punctuation
or tease out insinuations
to unravel the past
and weave a pattern
to contrast and outlast
this sky overcast
with dead winter grey

We could wait until spring
and see what it brings
But we fear what is
will still be
entangled in our dreams
always dangling
just out of reach

on any day

I marvel at contrasts
lull over dirt
admire the patterns
left by rust
I clear the clutter
focus on points
feast on colour
connect the dots
I look behind
savour the best
then look ahead
to face the worst

And all the countless
in betweens
I try to fill
with endless reams
of lists of things
that I should do
All to stopper
thoughts of you

fall

Though it came
without rain or relief
By the end of October
I knew it was all over

Silence hung
like a threat
hunched in a stand off
between the earth
and the clouds

Leaves turned brown
leaning far down
begging the wind
to release them

Birds gathered and scattered
Words ceased to matter
Waiting for distraction
was the only action
of defiance left
for those bereft
of hope and rope enough 
to pull or swing from

Come November
and even leaves
cannot remember
what it felt to be green
reaching for blue sky
as I cannot recall
how or why
I reached for you
Just the hurt and
the taste of dirt
that came with falling

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