untold

Have you or have I
rewritten the story?
I recall like yesterday
How I recoiled
How he called you out
How you insisted, then persisted and convinced, yourself
How I went along,
against all my instincts
because I wanted to destroy something that night
Because the one that should have stepped in, hadn’t
Because I should have asked him to
Because he shouldn’t have had to Because I shouldn’t have had to ask
Mostly, because all that came since was born of your love and my spite
Oh, what a story it would make

lost in translation

I got lost in the search
of a self not determined or undermined by the source
of that itch I can’t appease
And blamed you for all your shortcomings
Like you would understand
my codes and mixed dictions,
twisted tongue fictions
written uttlery constricted
by a need to tow the line
Lured,
betrayed,
exposed, driven out and
abandoned unforgiven,
I watch myself, say/do/lie
without a leg to stand on
And cringe at the flatness, falseness, hollowness, transparency,
of all interactions
We do not know what it’s like
And yet enough
to judge each other
as harshly as we judge
our mirror in the morning light
And even in my finest hour,
when words latched onto my ideas,
and flowed on a breath
worth some attention,
at best, I’ve received
polite applause
And praise, sometimes given
in the shadows of hallways
far from witnesses, and
the perils of affiliation
My last confession is
I made shameful concessions
Liking the attention and words
far more than you
Just to feel some extension of my being
in my effect on you

more or less

I used to think
I was smart
and quick,
Now I think
I am not so smart
and quite slow
I think I have
so much to learn
About so many things
And know too little
about not much
I wish I had
wasted less time
thinking

no less, no more

I would like to tell you
Of all those things I see
But none of it will matter
If you’re not next to me

I would like to hear
All that you have to say
But none of it will matter
If you just go away

I would like to know
Of all that you have done
But none of it will matter
If I’m still here alone  

So I retrace what was
And what will never grow
Hungering for erasure
That comes with winter’s snow

the end

our bond made of words
was the final confession
then no more was said

no escape

I tried to write words
That could span
this beguiling spring sky
Swerve around
the onslaught of dire news
Climb over
the juts of mounting concerns
Duck past
the tendrils of growing demands
Creep under
the radars of warning signs
Cut into
the line of dutiful priorities
Sweep aside
the din of trite distractions
Calm
the swells of rising uncertainties
Undermine
the paths of hellbound intentions

And sit close
enough to imagine
your pulse
realigning
unconfined
to keep time
with mine

But these rhymes
tripped up my mind
with useless lines
that will never find
their way to you

implied

my truest goal
was to coax your soul
out of its rusted cage
my words, the grease
your thoughts, the key
to free you from this page

(re)vision

I was kinder then,
when you
were still entwined
with my possibilities

Now disentangled
and parted,
you have lost
all potential to tug
at the blinders
that helped me see you
in a better light

slow fade

I would tell you
of the flavours
my tongue
longs to savour
if it could pave the way for
a change of heart

but let’s not start all that again

seems I’m still stealing time
finding ways
to make you mind
these thoughts I force
into rhymes
to impress you

so we’ll send sorries
and smilies
until we tire
of overstating
to cover us from
facing our desires
dissipating
like anger
in the absence of fault

Let’s bring a halt
to waiting
for time to heal
or more likely, reveal
denial eviscerating
our hearts

small confession

I am ashamed
that I preferred you
when you were
still searching,
wavering, wondering
and becoming
rather than now
that you are
decided, defined, done
and moving on