denouement 

Where wonder reigned
habit remains
and memory’s stained
with melodic refrains
dissolved to static
attractions now
only distractions
unworthy of abstraction
and words just
stochastic noise

Still, I stand poised
against a slow demise
holding out for a surprise
ending

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root mother unearthed

Mother of mothers
with generations
nestled in the crooks and folds
of arms, skin,
swinging from gnarled joints
shaping wisdom with your hands smelling of soil
An unbreakable force of time and ages
Etched into your stern face

But I know how that face
longed to smile in wonder
I know why you doted on that doctor
There was nothing licentious in your attention
His knowledge unearthed a cavern where there was room
To hear yourself speak as someone other than that myth
To be proud of something other than the accomplishments of those you bore
To laugh, dance
and shout your name
The one they discarded
when you were grafted to the family tree
To carve their history into your skin

degrees of magnitude

You say when you think of me
it’s with nostalgia
a surreptitious smile
spreads across your flushing face

When I think of you
frustration, despair, shame and desire
fuse into a howl of longing
I grimace and cringe

with teeth clenched
waiting for each wave of pain
to finish pounding me
into the dirt by degrees

saving grace

and when our wired limbs
crossed and snagged on intent
were done releasing their tensions
you lay, hair frayeď
mouth splàyed open
with no remorse
for the stains that drained
deodorant clumped
under arms raised
without grace
to take more space
than earned
I took in the waste
grateful for the image
that would serve
to move me past and on
once you would wake
to be so much less
than what I made of you

daily post: patina

witness

I saw you in that car
parked in the dark
your face a half lit moon
gazing at the screen
your finger hovering
ready to delete and move on

Your face reflected a world
of pain and joy
suspended in a void
an alternate universe
being destroyed

I envied your strength
to pinch it to black
as I wished I had done
a whole lifetime back
when I could still hope
time would erase and replace
the empty space 
with new wonders
instead of a glowing
screen gone blank

appointment

within the confines
of appointed roles
we found space
for a momentary universe
where all that mattered was being
in each other’s presence
and the certainty
that our smiles and laughter
were sincere

I’m trying hard
not to make much of it
but enough to bask in it
(suppressing insidious simmering explanations and expectations)
because while not exceptional
it is rare
and today I will choose to be elated
rather than saddened by this
I now know this is as good as it gets

de(con)struction

if my love were a painting
it would be a splash of red so pure
I’d waste endless canvas
tiling walls in ruddy grey
if only to recapture
some muddy tint or shade

if my love were a song
there’d be a painful strain
just a part of the refrain
and l would squawk
and screech all  night
just to hit that note again

but my love was a touch
in the dark
that brought to light
what ought to stay buried
or shoved out of sight

my love was insistent
it bore like worm
prying you open
with flattering words
pricking and prodding
your conscience to wake
and take a stand

my love was high strung
with intricate lines
to slice you up
and cut you down
how else could I get over you

lost poem

jotNrot

This poem got lost
amongst your contours
and the careless wink of your eye
It fell into a daze
and sat dumbly curled
in the corner of your smile
long before it could grip
onto the grain of the page
and make images stain
like truths

This poem is just words
gesticulating wildly
snapping into line
when it wished to be gestures
dancing in the margins
dervishly spinning spirals
boring into your core

This poem is a shivering quiver
of doodles to dispel
the fear I’ve yet again
misconstrued
the space around you
to make it mean more
than the emptiness it frames

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awake again

you’re the ghost that keeps bringing
to each day a new misgiving
to wake me with fists and teeth clenched tight as my chest
to relearn to release the regret
of having done my best to
put conviction to the test
and lay dignity to rest
as I plainly confessed
all you had long ago guessed
and used for your paltry gains
already swept in the pile of remains
to be forgotten

having failed to impress
I continue to protest
while I still have words to attest
that I got so much more than you gave

still days expand
like rubber bands
only to snap my
expectations back
as they draw to a dead rose end
closing me in with my dread
of another night ahead
streaming dreams of change
only to wake with my heart
picked apart and disarmed
yet again

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