no less, no more

I would like to tell you
Of all those things I see
But none of it will matter
If you’re not next to me

I would like to hear
All that you have to say
But none of it will matter
If you just go away

I would like to know
Of all that you have done
But none of it will matter
If I’m still here alone  

So I retrace what was
And what will never grow
Hungering for erasure
That comes with winter’s snow

what now?

What of all the ground
scarified with insights
Spattered with shells of experience
Mixed with the clippings of expectations
and chips of disappointment
Layered with shavings of grace
heaped and seeded
in a mound of good will?
What of the sprouts tended,
pinched and tutored
under a sky cleared
of doubts once splayed above?
What fruits may grow
I’ll never know
as I’m beholden
to only move on
Lest my shadow be too long

doors

Every word I wrote
was to shape for you a door
with a view to a world
unexplored
Never crossing the sill,
from each you turned until
I ran out of views to
propose
Now I ponder old doors
once craftfully adorned
and what came just before
they were shut
one last time
Then abandoned for ever more

the end

our bond made of words
was the final confession
then no more was said

look around

Time lowers the sky
so slowly, one cannot tell
when it has fallen

good deed

did I ask the wrong question
did I tell that harsh truth
did I forget to mention
it wasn’t just for you
did I set you to dreaming
of all that you miss
or did you start screaming
to drown out all this
noise that I’m making
and the liberties I’m taking
until you admit
we were both mistaken
this time around

I would talk about the future
but I’m stuck here in the past
regretting every moment
I bled words to make it last
I lied to make you honest
cheated to make you fair
but no good deed
goes unpunished
so there’s nothing left to tell

what will you say

will you know what to say
when I look on astonished
by what the years
have taken away or
dragged into the waning light
of this blue winter night

will you know what to say
when I forgive all
I know you cannot give
without all that you knew
giving way

will you know what to say
when we’re done
with the pretense
that brought us here
against all sense
when I touch you in a way
that belies
all I tried to hide
with gestures
to dazzle and blind you
when a hint of your touch
will be enough
to swipe away
such confessions
admitting all
but the mention
that here we are again
singing of beginnings
when we both know
it can only be the end

so long

it’s been so long
since I’ve heard
anything new
of your days
or your dreams
or the nights
in between
so though it hurts
I must conclude
I don’t know you
anymore

witness

I saw you in that car
parked in the dark
your face a half lit moon
gazing at the screen
your finger hovering
ready to delete and move on

Your face reflected a world
of pain and joy
suspended in a void
an alternate universe
being destroyed

I envied your strength
to pinch it to black
as I wished I had done
a whole lifetime back
when I could still hope
time would erase and replace
the empty space 
with new wonders
instead of a glowing
screen gone blank

fall

Though it came
without rain or relief
By the end of October
I knew it was all over

Silence hung
like a threat
hunched in a stand off
between the earth
and the clouds

Leaves turned brown
leaning far down
begging the wind
to release them

Birds gathered and scattered
Words ceased to matter
Waiting for distraction
was the only action
of defiance left
for those bereft
of hope and rope enough
to pull or swing from

Come November
and even leaves
cannot remember
what it felt to be green
reaching for blue sky
as I cannot recall
how or why
I reached for you
Just the hurt and
the taste of dirt
that came with falling