trying to be

To roar, break, crash and thunder
like the clouds above
and let loose
what roils under
this skin too thin
to contain the blood
that looks to pound
against you

To be bright pink
not bloody bruised brown,
burnt, stubbed and rubbed
into the ground

To be rash
And willing to scratch
dreams hiding under scabs
And let them run freely
or float away like ashes
left to the wind

To be anything but quiet
stoic and contemplating
constantly placating
the urge to smash and run

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learning from grammar

I should know by now
how to follow my nouns
with verbs to the object
without inverting them
to a question
perverting my intention
until will is twisted
and tethered to some
inevitable regret

poor timing 

jotNrot

I step in too close
and feel my nose crush
against the revolving doors
I was never much good
at double Dutch
or skipping rope
nor holding out
against all hope
My coffee has spilt
over me like guilt
and leaves a stain
on what remains of my dignity
as I fumble to efface
the disgrace of once again
being out of line
and out of time

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never again

Regrets mistakes misgivings
disappointments
I can sweep aside
It’s the beauty I’ve held
but will never again
that tears at me inside

last chance

Had I known that would be
the last chance to see you
I would have shrieked,
honked and howled,
waved, jumped and raved
instead of spying
through my rear view mirror
while slowly driving by

Had I known it would be
the last chance to touch you
I would have been much gentler, rougher, harder and more tender
instead of watching
with one eye on you
and the other on my reflection

Had I known it would be
the last chance to talk with you
I would have told you this

regret

Don’t echo
regret
years
that can’t
feel
disappointed

Written for today’s NaPoWriMo prompt using this Quotation index by subject and selecting words further into the quote for each word.

missed

That tree
burning yellow against
a field of bland buildings
greyed dull brown
below a slab of slate sky
I meant to take a picture
but the traffic was too thick
to get a good shot
Its leaves dropped overnight
It now sits stripped ugly
baring my failure
for the seasons to come

atonement

I’m attracted to you
like a path I chose
long ago
to not follow

Not because I have any regrets
nor because I wonder what I may find

But because I knew where it led
and I didn’t want any of it

Perhaps it’s some lingering guilt
for not having made any effort
to leave upon it
some mark
that could have altered
its course

dues

jotNrot

News and events
Spill through the hours
Of days wasted
Wishing there will be more to say
Than whether the weather is as normal
As our desires
And the pay enough
To play rough with the balance
Once dues are paid
And amends made
And burning questions
Snuffed to give way
To a daydream or two
Stolen and stashed
Only to be mortgaged
At an unforeseen price
For a night of easy sleep

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