fading

If you had died
I would have lied 
erased dull facts
to keep intact
the effigy I built
on faulty stilts
but you went away
and every day
I force fuzzy edges
to the middle
so I can fiddle my focus and find
some new detail
to impress my dreams
that lately only stream
repeats of chances gone by

tripped

I’d like to say I fell for you
but really I just tripped
To say you tore apart my heart
but it was only grazed a bit
Rain is just wet
and winter just cold
and neither can hurt me
like this feeling
I can’t
hold onto  

I’d like to say you gave me more
than the means to make much of less
but I’d only be putting
dumb words to the test
making rhymes of nothing at best
The world just turns
and sunshine burns
but neither will hurt
if I lie
still
in the dark

I’d like to say we part as friends
but the truth is something else
Friends aren’t ashamed
by time wasted pretending
And you’re now as far
as that sole star
that blinks as the fog rolls in
vanishing before
I can make a wish

I will go on

I will go and I will sit
and I will sit and stare
and I will launch and click
and find nothing there
I will turn to work
and launch and click
and type words and click
I will forget for a bit
that there is nothing there
that there will be
nothing there tomorrow
or the day after
and what is left
I’ll watch go by
people, pains, laughs and loves
rusted things that once shone
even those will soon be gone
and still you won’t be there
and I will sit and glare
at the sky daring it
no, with tears in my eyes,
begging it to come down
and crush time into the dirt

I will look
for some place to hide
what I’ve been
and will never again be
good or bad, each past,
will in its way only hurt
but the future is flat and bare
and I’ve run out sand and clay
to transform the terrain
into something worth
trudging through
without chance
of finding you
there

midsummer night snack

I stand in a place
where I’ll never again be
I’m looking at you
as I’ll never again see you

Boisterous and swaggering
in your natural habitat
A menu of quick standards
by a filled-in ditch of a lake

I’m trying to build a story
of fractured memories

You’re bellowing clichés
serving up platitudes
with a side order of smirks
Breaking no ice, nor sweat
Playing the role as expected
to everyone’s content

You own this moment
You own this place
You let in those you choose
A feigned sly smile
punctuated with a wink
seals the unspoken deal
I’ve been here before
And then too I tripped
on your flimsy sincerity
slipped on your strewn lines

Finding footing in doorways
I wait between lies
for you to fumble
humbly to my side
gasping as the narrative fails

And you’ll be gone when I wake
just like yesterday
and again I’ll have made
all the same old mistakes
And I will still miss you

snack

never again

Regrets mistakes misgivings
disappointments
I can sweep aside
It’s the beauty I’ve held
but will never again
that tears at me inside

denouement 

Where wonder reigned
habit remains
and memory’s stained
with melodic refrains
dissolved to static
attractions now
only distractions
unworthy of abstraction
and words just
stochastic noise

Still, I stand poised
against a slow demise
holding out for a surprise
ending

appeased

jotNrot

If I had you I wouldn’t care
About the cold or weather fair
If I had you I wouldn’t need
Fancy meals and endless treats

I wouldn’t care about success
Or the state of my dress
I’d never wear my heels high
Or trace dark lines around my eyes

I wouldn’t decorate my home
With artifacts of what I’ve done
I wouldn’t love without limits
The souls I have nourished within it

I wouldn’t stay up all night
Mixing colours to capture the light
Of that day I last saw through
To all that which you wouldn’t do

I wouldn’t have packed up and moved
To lands too far away from you
To ever see what you did
Without the love that I hid

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the change

jotNrot

do you remember when
we couldn’t meet each other’s gaze
without our insides being revealed
when a quick look would bring a flush
to flood our ears with more blood
than any bellowed avowal

do you recall
how the faintest gestures
turned the winds warm around us
and the slightest innuendos
to garish overstatements
of what was wordlessly declared

while the world passed around us
like so many ghosts
the space between us burned
luring us to the embers
and covering us in ashes

and now, we can’t so much as glance
in each other’s direction
without first shuttering our eyes
behind indignant politesse
we let others exaggerate for us
and tell what tale they will

now, there’s never
enough air in the room
if we stand in it together
And we, the ghosts that spread a chill
numbing any tongues that dare wag
or question the change

View original post

unburdening

Much to our surprise
the floodwaters didn’t burst forth
there was no great clearing
of the skies above
nor of the muddy waters below

Just the two of us
on the same side
looking back across
the unsteady bridge

Our conscience virtually restored
what we really jettisoned in the unburdening
as we’d crossed
dawned in spite
of the setting sun

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