I shovel words
to fill the hole
your silence opened
and bury the faith
they can conjure
some meaning out of all
my wasted gestures
as each one served
only to measure
the distance from you

perhaps one day
again you’ll stray
and find your way
to these words
left here when the need
to say them outweighed
the need to be heard
and they won’t sound as absurd
as that last round I fired
in retreat
just to keep
from ever turning back



There are things
I’d like to say
Still more
I’d like to hear
But your silence slices
out my tongue
And boxes up my ears

what your back looks like
More clearly
than your smile
I swallow mouthfuls.
of regret
And spit out a goodbye


Where wonder reigned
habit remains
and memory’s stained
with melodic refrains
dissolved to static
attractions now
only distractions
unworthy of abstraction
and words just
stochastic noise

Still, I stand poised
against a slow demise
holding out for a surprise


If you had died
I would have lied 
erased dull facts
to keep intact
the effigy I built
on faulty stilts
but you went away
and every day
I force fuzzy edges
to the middle
so I can fiddle my focus and find
some new detail
to impress my dreams
that lately only stream
repeats of chances gone by


I’d like to say I fell for you
but really I just tripped
To say you tore apart my heart
but it was only grazed a bit
Rain is just wet
and winter just cold
and neither can hurt me
like this feeling
I can’t
hold onto

I’d like to say you gave me more
than the means to make much of less
but I’d only be putting
dumb words to the test
making rhymes of nothing at best
The world just turns
and sunshine burns
but neither will hurt
if I lie
in the dark

I’d like to say we part as friends
but the truth is something else
Friends aren’t ashamed
by time wasted pretending
And you’re now as far
as that sole star
that blinks as the fog rolls in
vanishing before
I can make a wish

I will go on

I will go and I will sit
and I will sit and stare
and I will launch and click
and find nothing there
I will turn to work
and launch and click
and type words and click
I will forget for a bit
that there is nothing there
that there will be
nothing there tomorrow
or the day after
and what is left
I’ll watch go by
people, pains, laughs and loves
rusted things that once shone
even those will soon be gone
and still you won’t be there
and I will sit and glare
at the sky daring it
no, with tears in my eyes,
begging it to come down
and crush time into the dirt

I will look
for some place to hide
what I’ve been
and will never again be
good or bad, each past,
will in its way only hurt
but the future is flat and bare
and I’ve run out sand and clay
to transform the terrain
into something worth
trudging through
without chance
of finding you

midsummer night strut

I stand in a place
where I’ll never again be
I’m looking at you
as I’ll never again see you

Boisterous and swaggering
in your natural habitat
A menu of quick standards
by a filled-in ditch of a lake

You’re bellowing clichés
serving up platitudes
with a side order of smirks
Breaking no ice, nor sweat
Playing the role as expected
to everyone’s content

You own this moment
You own this place
You let in those you choose
A feigned sly smile
punctuated with a wink
seals the unspoken deal
I’ve been here before
And then too I tripped
on your flimsy sincerity
slipped on your strewn lines

Finding footing in doorways
I wait between lies
for you to fumble
humbly to my side
gasping as the narrative fails

And you’ll be gone when I wake
just like yesterday
and again I’ll have made
all the same old mistakes
And I will still miss you


never again

Regrets mistakes misgivings
I can sweep aside
It’s the beauty I’ve held
but will never again
that tears at me inside



If I had you I wouldn’t care
About the cold or weather fair
If I had you I wouldn’t need
Fancy meals and endless treats

I wouldn’t care about success
Or the state of my dress
I’d never wear my heels high
Or trace dark lines around my eyes

I wouldn’t decorate my home
With artifacts of what I’ve done
I wouldn’t love without limits
The souls I have nourished within it

I wouldn’t stay up all night
Mixing colours to capture the light
Of that day I last saw through
To all that which you wouldn’t do

I wouldn’t have packed up and moved
To lands too far away from you
To ever see what you did
Without the love that I hid

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