just once

you said what we say
when something’s too hard to resist
life is too short
not to bend this one time
and enjoy what it has to give

I wanted to say
but bit my tongue
what I also knew to be true
that life after this
would be too long and wasted
spent wanting far more of you

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invisible

I can threaten you and hurt you
break apart all your frames
make you ask for forgiveness
as you run and hide in shame
But I cannot make you care

I can stand up to abuse
fight off adversity
turn labels into crowns
And dance at their absurdity

But am beaten by absence
starved through neglect
and faced against indifference
I’m as good as dead

slight distinction

Had you died
there’d still be
all you left behind
But you left
taking with you all traces
leaving only spaces
now empty of you
And everything built
is somewhere else
lost to me
as you are
While I
to you
am as good
as dead

for the best

If everything that happens
does so for the best,
then surely you were meant
to prepare me for death
And all that does not come after

poor timing 

jotNrot

I step in too close
and feel my nose crush
against the revolving doors
I was never much good
at double Dutch
or skipping rope
nor holding out
against all hope
My coffee has spilt
over me like guilt
and leaves a stain
on what remains of my dignity
as I fumble to efface
the disgrace of once again
being out of line
and out of time

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how I know the heart is a muscle

jotNrot

As I grow older,
every heartache feels greater
and takes longer
to get over.

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most disparaging words

I suspect that
of all the curses and insults
in all the languages
existing and forgotten
there no words we won’t
go to the ends of the earth
or rush to our graves
to avoid hearing more
than “I don’t love you”
And sometimes
to avoid speaking
as well

autumn light

This crisp autumn light
Makes me see
clearer than I’d like
I wish I could play
Somewhere far far away
From the dog shit
and gobs of spit
And butts and ors
And wasted efforts borne
On excuses torn
From outdated pages
Of norms defined
To realign desires
With finer tastes
That won’t disrupt
Or interrupt
The daily ride home
In the dark

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