silence

Silence erases gestures
Fades gazes to a blur
Muffling expression
before it can find words

Silence shoves intentions
To the bottom of the bin
Under stillborn efforts
Aborted from within

Silence blights the ego
With doubt infested sores
Draining all the wonder
From what came before

Silence denies hunger
And despair’s just desserts
Left dangling like dead leaves
Uselessly inert

Silence dispels illusions
That once fueled desires
Heaping flesh and bones
Into a listless pile

Silence rakes up memories
Scarifying the ground
Making sure no spot
To take root can be found

Silence cancels well laid plans
Evading clever tricks
To draw out confessions
And bring some sense to this

Silence removes all targets
Keeping armies at bay
Long enough for walls to rise
Repelling ifs and mays

Thus silence begs one more attack
Though it be doomed to fail
A final act to put an end
To a pointless play

But silence ablates the will
It hollows out the core
Leaving desolation
Where temptation thrived before

So shatter silence with a scream
And raze history to the ground
Rage and riot till your heart’s content
Just do not go without a sound

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grieving with words

pour them all out
heat them to a roiling boil
even if they sputter and burn
then let them stew
scoop the detritus and flotsam
from the surface
and let simmer some more
skim the fat, the excess
and turn the heat down low
as they thicken
their colour will change
their odour will rise
and meet your hunger
only then add the spices
to bring out their flavour
then let them sit with time
they will harden into crystals
and finally forms you can handle and shape and give names to
name them over and over again
repeat their names
until they lose their sense
beat them and mistreat them
until falling to pieces
they finally explete something
worth more than all that was lost

the big picture

Yes, I see
the big picture
The one
with commitments
Arching over
every horizon
And goals thickening
in the sky
But it doesn’t sustain
my focus
Like the details
that poke through the fog–
The feel of the back of your neck
against the palm of my hand
The nuance in colour
between your skin and your lips
The inflection of your voice
thickening with intent
The arch of your eyebrows
awaiting an answer
you may not like
And your eyes flashing
at a challenge–
I let my mind trip
and my heart rip
upon these protrusions
before they too fade
into the big picture

originally posted 17.12.2015

stray

I shovel words
to fill the hole
your silence opened
and bury the faith
they can conjure
some meaning out of all
my wasted gestures
as each one served
only to measure
the distance from you

perhaps one day
again you’ll stray
and find your way
to these words
left here when the need
to say them outweighed
the need to be heard
and they won’t sound as absurd
as that last round I fired
in retreat
just to keep
from ever turning back

though you mean well

I have observed
how you pare my dreams down
to a tenable size
parameters defined
measured and timed
scaled right to align

expectations contained
within preordained lines

removing all chance
for any surprise
constraining them tightly
to mere designs

gutted

I sat there with no need to watch
As I knew the act by heart
So oft I’d dreamt of it, that only
Its blatancy caught me off guard

She flaunted cheap and easy
As if they were compliments
What I couldn’t bring myself to do
She did with clear intent

A helplessness affected
to reveal what would await
With little hesitation
The effort wouldn’t pay

A call to come discover
A feeling I can’t name
Is hardly competition
For such a dazzling flame

She lay In wait wide open
Displaying what she had to give
I waited, hunched above my book
Clutching words, my hands a sieve

And so I watched with my third eye
Waiting for some sign
That I was right and in the end would win
While she took home the prize

With all the grace of one effaced
I tried to disappear
While knowing that my presence
Wouldn’t, couldn’t interfere

I could hate her for making look simple
what ought not be so
But he’s the one who swelled with pride
And cared not that it showed

How painlessly and easy
It all happens for others it seems
While I must sit and twist and churn
And live it out in dreams

I’d felt it all before and waited
for my stomach to turn
But I had been completely gutted
An empty, useless urn

And so I sat dumbfounded
At my vision’s truth revealed
Wishing all the time and care
I gave, could be repealed

But all I was afforded
Was a chance to observe
And now relive the moment
As it turns to words

mentoring

In the end I was a mentor
as that was all I could be
I showed you how good
it can and should be
though that only revealed
what there wasn’t to find
So I guess it’s no wonder
you left me behind

half-life

In my efforts to cleanse
the past with time
I’m astonished to find
even ghosts
have half lives
and trace element trails
they leave
as half lies
perceived
only at dawn’s
first yawn
infecting all belief
in a new day

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